Life is Wonderful--without it we'd be dead.

Life really is so amazing. I am so grateful for it--even if I am struggling at times. It's just different because last year I had such amazing friends for me all the time and even through all the struggles everything was so easy. And I had so much faith. Now I'm trying to maintain my faith but it seems much more difficult. Really though I am so grateful for life. This last weekend I had a great time seeing my two best friends and old roommates. We went and saw Disney's Princess & the Frog. It was really nice to spend time with them. To hear their lives and to know them. Not to be worried about what they were thinking of me. Or how I should react.
It seems lately that around people here I always am on egg shells of some kind. Even with my friends here at home. (All two that I spend time with) One I'm scared because I know he would like something more than friendship and I don't want to encourage those thoughts. Things have been rough living at home as well. Although they have been a lot better this week. Two weeks ago my Mom and I went to my ex-missionary's sister's babyshower (that's not confusing at all) and it was really hard for me. And I've just been miserable anyway. Well, before the shower Mom and I got in a major arguement. Where she suggested maybe I move out because I've been so miserable at home. We were able to resolve things and I know that she doesn't want it but I've really started thinking that maybe it's the best idea for me.
I've started looking into it but there's only so many places that allow dogs where I don't have to deal with roommates. Ideally I'd like somewhere I could have an apartment to myself but still be around people my age--college students. Realistically it doesn't look like that's going to happen unless I want to surround myself around married students. Which seems counterproductive. But we'll see. I did find a good place but it's not open until May and I'm not really the most patient person. And really, as much as my family will deny it, I'm sure they wouldn't mind me being gone sooner than that. I haven't been very easy to live with.
As much as it sounds like I am complaining I am, surprisingly, quite happy this week. (Seriously, it seems a lot easier than weeks in the past.) I love my job and I have been somewhat busy outside of work. Nothing major but enough that I feel like I have a life. I think though that the biggest change is my perspective. I'm trying to solely put my faith in my Heavenly Father and let things work the way he wants. I realized that I can't let a silly boy be the cause of my loss of perspective. I knew I was doing the right thing and just because things didn't work out the way I was expecting them to doesn't mean they won't work out. It's a concept that I forget all too often.
But I'm grateful for my friends. Their help this weekend--offering the comradery and the silliness--it's so relieving not to have to be adult all the time. I'm sure that they're part of the reason for my semi-contentment right now.

The Pack

I looked in horror, thinking something amiss
I was expected to carry this?
The pack was burdened, not a welcoming sight
Something was wrong, it couldn't be right
Still expectant eyes held it out to me
Telling me to climb a mountain
Which top I couldn't see
Then they placed on my back, this unforgiving pack
Then sent me on this difficult path
Wondering how I was to act
Looking forward I set my sights
Hoping one could relieve this plight
I started, I stumbled, and fell on my way
Struggled to life myself from where I lay
I saw others with packs like mine
Some large, some small, others just the same
I was amazed at how some went on just fine
While some whose packs, like mine, seemed to maim
I heard the encouragement others would speak
At my stumbling step and spirit so weak
Others grumbled at the packs they carried
While more just sat and simply tarried
Not matter the words I heard others give
I still struggled, fell, and had no more to give
I dropped to my knees
I could no longer go on
My pack was to heavy
For me to continue along
I felt the blisters, the sweat and the tears
And knew above all failure was my fear
I bowed my sinful head
Let out a mournful sigh
How could I let this trial take me by surprise?
Then feeling defeat I began to cry
I prayed to the Father I knew was up there
The one I knew loved me and truly did care
I tried to explain that I was too weak
The circumstances looked dire and entirely bleak
Without some help I couldn't go on
My natural self weak and my burdens too strong
I felt a shadow fall over my head
And I knew somehow he'd heard what I said
Someone had come to stop my cries of defeat
So I looked up to view a pair of worn feet
Saw the prints on dusted soles
Knew he was the one who redeemed my soul
As my gaze moved up to his outstretched hand
Scarred at the palm, I knew this man
I recognized the kindness in his eyes
Knew he alone could help me rise
I watched in awe as he took my pack
Lifted me and checked that I was intact
With gentleness he encouraged me on
Carrying my pack all along
Without difficulty we reached the top
Only then did he pause to stop
Only then did he drop my burden
I looked at him with eyes uncertain
He took me in his loving embrace
He overwhelmed me with the joy on my face
Before showing me the awaiting Father
Who looked and cried "Oh, my daughter."
He said "My child, welcome home
It's been to long that you've been alone
You called on Me to make you strong
Child, We could have been with you all along.
Yet at least you called before you quit
And we're just happy that you made it."
I looked and realized the joy He truly felt
Astonished at that way their love enveloped
They led me to glory unveiled
Undeserving, for without Him I would have failed
Only the Savior could carry my trails
He could show me that the journey was worthwhile
He was the one to raise me when I was weak
And only with Him could I reach the peak

This is something I wrote awhile ago but was newly found. It's not really very good but truly so amazing. Because of the emotions and the reminders it sets for me.

Princesses on Ice

Last Wednesday (11-11-09) I went to Disney Princesses on Ice with some friends! *pause to let everyone wonder why someone not of the ages 3-11 would want to voluntarily go to that without the influence of someone of said ages* Really it was so great. Very, very enjoyable. (At least to me.) I had work off that day and was so grateful to have something to do. And seriously, I adore all things Disney.

It was great though. I went with my best friend and one of our guy friends. There really was no force involved in getting him to come, despite what he says. I also adored seeing the masses of little girls dressed up in their Disney Princess costumes. We even saw some little boys in Prince crowns and carrying swords. It really was so great. I struggle expressing how much fun I had with it. Ode to Disney and it's multitude of characters.

After the show we all went and watched Godzilla (had to feed my guy friend testosterone I guess.) It really was rather entertaining and certainly an improvement from the 1970s version of the show--I never could get over the screaming oriental people who miraculously speak english or the robotic movements of the giant lizard. I gush over those type of things in musicals but not in movies. It was very enjoyable still. Made me feel rebellious (I really need to get over that) because I didn't get home until 3 in the morning and I had work at 7 the next morning. It was all good though. Life really is enjoyable.

I still struggle with the whole broken heart thing. And I complain a lot about needing to have a social life. Which I do. But I am grateful for life. And for the little (& big things in it.) My next adventure involves High School Musical (my little brother is in the play--I can honestly say those are some Disney movies I do NOT adore) and New Moon (in which I'll critique and roll my eyes because they'll never capture the book.) So stay tuned to the meiserly life of me.

Gardens, Swimming, & Magna

I went up to see my old roommate this weekend. It was the first time I was away from my puppy for a full night (actually it was even two) which was sorta scary. I left her in care with my dad. He's such a sucker. When I wanted to get a puppy he straight up refused. He was so mad at me when I went to get it. And now he adores her. It's my favorite when he comes and tells me what she does. Or when I'm going to do something and he volunteers to care for her. I really am so blessed with my parents. But I went to visit and it was, really, so nice! I desperately needed to be around someone I could be myself around. I didn't worry about whether or not she was going to be annoyed with me. Or if I was going to be entertained. I didn't have to worry about focusing on her or if I was being selfish.
Also I got to blow off steam. I was able to talk about my broken heart without hearing that I needed to get over it. Without feeling like she didn't want to hear it. I could just talk. And I could listen. It was alright for her to relay her frustrations over her relationships, her family, her life. And neither of us judged. Both of us were validated. (At least, I hope she felt such.) It really is a very good thing to be able to have someone you could go to. I love my parents and my other friends but lately I've had to focus more on them, their lives & complications and felt like I haven't been able to take a little for myself.
The first night I was there we went to the dollar theater, GI Joe--pretty good movie in my opinion. And then we just drove and talked. And talked. Saturday we went to a temple and did baptisms--such a good experience. I love that. We went swimming with another friend. Which was great! I haven't gone swimming for the LONGEST time. After that we got ourselves all prettyfied and went to The Garden. Which is nice restaurant at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building in Salt Lake City. It overlooks Temple Square and isn't terribly pricey--still pricier than I'm used to (which doesn't say much) but within my meager budget. It was fun to feel elegant and classy and pampered. Plus the view is great. Also, the roof is retractable and the weather was nice enough that when we asked about it the manager opened the roof for us. It was awesome! And we felt priveleged. After that we really just hung out and enjoyed everything. I came home Sunday, was very happy to see my puppy and spend time with my family.
But I'm so grateful for the weekend. I'm glad I am so blessed with friends like this. Friends that are there for me. And allow me to be there for them.

Rants & Letters to All

I guess I'm just following the crowd, but I really liked this. My friend Toni did this on her blog (after saying that others had done this as well) but I really enjoyed it, and sort of feel like this would be a good activity. So this is writing letters to members (or aspects) of my life. The majority of them are rants because I won't actually rant to them in real life and no one really reads this thing anyway.

Dear Life in General,
You scare me. Mostly because I have no idea what is going on or what is going to happen. And I think we both know how well I react when I feel extreme losses in self control. I realize that you are trying to help me grow. Expand. Become something more. But I really wish that sometimes things could just go according to how I want or have planned. Because right now I feel lost. Seriously, I would really appreciate it if you could just get good. I know I have many many blessings in my life. But right now I feel so abandoned by all but my Heavenly Father.
Seriously, Me

Dear Parents,
I love you. Really I do. I am so grateful to have you as parents. That you raised me to have a fighting chance. I am grateful that you love me. That your love knows no bounds. But still. I don't like being treated like I'm still in high school. And I'm not liking being the support system. Especially when I'm so tangled up inside. And I hate that you tell me its okay to hurt. That you tell me you understand. But you're not there for me. I need someone who will listen. And when I try to come to you about my broken heart you either tell me I need to move on and get over it, or you change the subject to something unrelated. Or you blow me off. That's the worst. I know you live busy lives but even the little things you blow me off for. Bluntly and generally when you really don't need to go. And I don't feel validated lately. It hurts me over and over. But I smile and act like I'm okay. And you buy it. How can you buy something so blatantly not true? How can you honestly accept me saying that I am alright. I'm getting over it when I was in love with the cad for 4 years. And I don't want to hear that I'll be okay. Because I'm not okay right now. No matter how much of a face I put on. I don't like being weak. But I should be able to be weak around my family. And lately I haven't felt like I can. Seriously though, I love you and I am so happy that I'm near you right now but if feels like you can't tell that I really do need you. Not your boundaries. But you.
Love, Your Daughter
P.S. Mom, I know this shouldn't bother me but I really wish you were home more too. You spend so much time working. Even on the days you don't work late you don't get home in time for dinner and you're too tired to really be around us. I think this may be the reason I have a hard time talking. You're either not home or too tired. Or you are focusing on work even though you aren't working.

Dear Ex-Missionary,
There is a thin line in the heart that covers love and hate. I honestly believe you can't hate somebody until you've loved them. And most of the time I don't hate you, not really. I know that. But I hate that you hurt me like this. I hate that you had to know how bad you could hurt me and yet you did it anyway. Sometimes I feel like you did it because you knew it would hurt me. I don't understand why you've changed but frankly I don't see that you've changed for the better. It's callous and unfeeling to hurt someone as casually as you did me. I'm sure it would have hurt for you to get home and things not to work out but I would at least have the closure knowing that we tried. You took that from me and I really feel you're a prick for doing so.
I hate that I feel you can't get over things and you stupidly place blame on me. And you really are an idiot if that's the case. You are teaching the atonement and repentance and forgiveness. But you can't put your past behind you. And it makes you hypocrite. And maybe you don't blame me. It certainly feels that way though. LIke you can't forgive the past enough to forgive me and give me a chance in the future. But mayhap this is how you feel you can best move on. To give up the future.
And I'm sure that you think this is the right thng. And it probably is. But right now I'm hurting. And it's because you were not enough of a man to do this right. Instead you cowardly wrote a letter and tried to make it as little of fuss for you as possible. Prick.
The thing that I hate the most though is that I still love you. You are still the one I want. Not you as you have become but as you were when I knew you. I still compare guys to you and they come up short.
I also think you're ridiculous in judging me and telling me how I should be progressing. Where do you get off in deciding how ANYONE should progress. Or knowing how I've progressed given its been almost 2 1/2 years since you've seen me or had a real conversation with me.
Another thing that I hate. That I hate you for. That I feel I have to be calm and mature about all this. Because it would just prove your point that I'm immature. And you really are an idiot. You probably will find a great amazing girl who will make you happy and your family will love. But the fact remains that you could have had that with me. Dirt bag.
Grudgingly, The Girl Who Loves You

Dear Other Self,
I love you. I do. Thank you so much for all of the time you have spent with me. All the effort you put in to me. I'm sorry that I've been such a wench lately. That I am so demanding and so needy. And that I hate that you are so busy. I resent other aspects in your life. Also that I resent that it hasn't been just you and me forever. I'm also sorry that I resent your fiance. He really is a good guy. Sometimes I am just jealous, which is rather un-best-friend like of me. Sorry. Other times I really am just protective. He's not good enough for you. But he makes you happy. And you are really one of the best friends a girl could have. Thank you. Seriously, you make my life happier.
Love, Your Other Self
(for those that don't understand, I really am addressing another actual being. Not another entity of myself. )

Dear Love Life,
You suck.
--Yours Truly

Dear Boys,
You suck too. I hate that you can make girls so crazy and insecure. And that you feel intimidated by a girl who is smart and forward. That you go after bimbos who are desperate and floozies. Making the rest of us (namely, me) feel insecure, unwanted, and ugly. I hate that you will approach some girls randomly, really making sure that they know you exist and then barely glancing at the rest of it.
Sincerely, My insecurities

Dear Social Life,
You suck too. Why do I feel stupid and awkward in situations where I would be able to make new friends. I work with the public and love it. But as soon as it comes to a situation around people my age I freeze.
I hate that everybody I meet is either 5-20 years older than me or 18 year olds who don't seem to know anything about life. And I really don't have many opportunities to meet people.
So I hate you. Mostly because you are nonexistent.
Awkwardly, More insecurities

Dear Area,
A girl does not have to get married as soon as she's graduated high school. So quit asking me if I'm married and then acting like there's something wrong with me that I'm not. I'm only 20. Besides that it's a total in your face. It's like 'oh lets remind her of where she's failed. It doesn't matter if she has a college education or a good respectable job. We'll focus on the one aspect she sucks at.' However, ironically, this also seems to be the people who tell me to embrace being single it's the only time in my life I have to myself. Seriously? You tell me this then go back to your wife/husband and snuggle up. Its seldom I hear single people telling me this. Just those who are married, who probably were just as anxious to be married when they were single.
Somewhat annoyed, My Frustrations

Dear Job,
You get me through the day. I enjoy the challenge of you and the fact that I am helping people. But I really do miss advocating. But thank you. Because my life would be really empty without you. And because I have met some amazing coworkers who are so sweet and caring and some amazing people in general.
Me

Dear Best Friend 1,
You light up my life. The only problem I have where you are concerned is that you are 2 1/2 hours away. But you were willing to travel those miles when you know I'm breaking. That you can sit with me and make sure I am okay. I love you and am so grateful for your friendship. For being understanding. For not being accusing. You listen to my rants. And you make sense of them. You seem to understand that I don't want to hear the dickhead should die. I just want to say it. But I know it's not true. You also get that I don't want to hear that it's for the best. You just listen and empathize. Thank you.
Forever grateful, Your Old Roommate

Other Friends,
I hate that you don't seem surprised that I got my heart broken. There's no "I'm so sorry" or "oh my goodness, are you alright." Instead what I hear is "Oh, okay. That sucks." Change of subject. Something about your life. Or how you are so heartbroken because someone doesn't like you, or you broke up after a brief stint. Because that really is comparable. You feel so bad about your life and I empathize. I do. I listen to you about it. I hear your problems. And then gloss over mine. Because we all know I'm strong. I can get through. When in reality I am the weakest person I know. And I need encouragement and love. Especially given the facts. This kid, this moron, was my life, and what I thought of as my future for almost 4 years. But go ahead talk about the person you've known for days or a year. Because all you see is the devil may care persona. Seriously, why would you believe the person who tells you "Oh, it's okay. He just broke my heart. But I'll be okay." Isn't that brave for: My world has stopped. I need help but I don't know how to ask."
Begrudgingly, Disappointment

Dear Readers,
Sorry you had to endure that. But I really needed to unwind and I don't really do so well if I rant merely to myself. In fact it just builds up if I'm ranting to myself. And, as you can tell, I don't have anybody to really rant to anymore. So sorry to get the brunt of my rants. But really I've been holding them inside for days.
Ranting, Broken-Hearted Angry Quirk

Everything is fine...I couldn't hurt more.

"I am a little bit broken inside, but I will smile & say 'everything is fine' and the thing that scares me is that I really will be."

So, the weekend of hell is finally over. And really, for the start of it I actually had a really good weekend. My heart was shattered. But I found plenty of people who helped me pick up the pieces and soon we'll super glue them together. So it will be okay. It's just not so much now.

I got a letter on Thursday from my (no longer) missionary. In which he stated he did not understand how I thought he had feelings for me any longer. I must have been reading between the lines (his words, not mine) & that there is absolutely no possibility of us having a relationship. He is happier without me and doesn't want me to write him anymore. Along with a few other choice lines that I know he put in there just to get me mad & get over him faster. I'm not sure how much it's going to work.

The thing that's surprising (& still very very nice) is that I am hurt but I'm not destitute or distraught. I definitely feel my Heavenly Father helping me. I know that I'm not going through this alone and that I will rise above it all and become better. And I know that I have done everything the way I was supposed to. No decision I have made over waiting was not made until after extensive prayer and even fasting. (Which says alot considering that means my going without food.) And I know that's where I felt peace. And while it confuses me to think that I felt the peace and then something like this happens I know that I will learn to understand it and that this is something I will learn and grow from it as well. Also I know that I can better myself from this experience.

It scares me in so many ways. I'm having to completely regroup and change my paradigm. For the past almost 4 years I have looked at this kid as my future. I have considered him my future. So it's going to be quite a bit before I can get over that. But I am able to recognize so many things that I think I would not have before now. So realistically, the timing on this is good too. Because I am able to recognize the good from this.

Another thing I can be grateful for is the support I have. I had one friend offer to drive down 2 1/2 hours to see me, even skip work for it. And another was over the moment she got off work and her fiance is okay with me tagging along into their life. Also my family has been my greatest strength. They were there for me and have supported me through every single step of the past 4 years. And they are willing to listen to me cry and lament and be happy and everything. They offer wonderful advice and they are simply amazing. I really am so grateful for them.

His Mother is my hero as well. She called me and talked to my parents and was quick to let me know she still cared and she wants me to get through this, to rise above it and that I will be okay. She let my family know she still cares and she wants to be there. So I am grateful for that. All around I am very very grateful for the friends and the family I have. For the support. And even though I still hurt, I'm very functional and I'm not completely vengeful. (I still plan on making him regret every letting me go) But I'm functioning. Everything is fine. Even if I couldn't hurt any more than I do.

Seriously Evan

So I've been feeling restless and stircrazy lately so yesterday I drove up north, picked up one of my best friends, and met our other best friend at the Seriously Evan CD release party. It was lots of fun--although kinda stupid of me to take a 2 1/2 hour trip for a 1 1/2 hour show. But it was their last show since Chaz is leaving for his mission. And they're way entertaining--and it did get me out of Sanpete. I almost felt reckless. (almost) It was good to see my old roommates (the best friends) and just be a teenager for a littly bit. Still though, I should try to get a life here. However, it's easier to complain than actually doing something. And I am happy. It was a good day yesterday. I got plates on my Element and then drove to the concert. I also got their awesome new CD--their 1st CD is really good too! And a wicked T shirt. yup. I guess I officially am deemed one of their groupies--technically I probably became a groupie long before this. Still though. Check them out if anyone ever wants to. they have a Music Video: Geek Chic (Stinking hysterical) & also I think you can find them on iTunes. (I don't know I just buy the CDs) They're pretty awesome guys though.

Gasoline Runs

So I have officially taken out my 1st loan--scary scary thing that. It's weird because I have spent my college career being like 'loans are bad don't have one'. I made it through my bachelors without any--so now it's sort of a paradigm shift to have done so. But I did get my dream car. And I love him. (Yeah, it's a he) I named him Percy. He's not been very expensive & it's nice to know that I'm realistic enough to have a dream car that's actually real.
But other than Percy not too much is new in my life. I'm getting frustrated because I normally get the emails my missionary sends his family and I haven't for this month. But checking his mom's facebook he is sending letters. Is that stalkerish of me to do? and to be annoyed about? But it is frustrating. *sigh* He's been gone 20 months now & so I only have 4 more months of this insanity before I move onto a different craziness. But man these last 4 months are going to be so scary and hard.
That's all that I've got.

Serenity

Not really all that much going on in my life. In fact it's quite serene. Last weekend was general conference, which was, quite frankly: AMAZING! My family and I listened to Saturday's sessions while taking a scenic route along the Nebo Loop. It is so pretty. It just astonishes me the wonders of our world. During the priesthood session my Mum and I went to the movie "My Life in Ruins"--definitely one I suggest. It was really cute but good.
As for the rest of my life I am blessed. Really. But it is somewhat disconcerting. I look and realize. Many of my friends have husbands and babies. I have a missionary and a puppy. Kinda pathetic replacements. However, for now they do me just fine. I don't really have the sanity level for much more right now.

Dog Food & Daisies

I don't really know what the daisies is for, it just seemed to fit. I got my puppy last week & haven't had a dull moment since. I've named her Gizelle. My family calls her Jizzy much more than I would like them to. She's tiny though. About the size of a large guinea pig. And she is so funny. She is either sleeping like the dead or hyperactive. I can hardly keep up with her. And she waddles. It's just the cutest thing. As you can probably tell I am completely enamored with her. I can't believe how fast my love for her has come--and my worry. If I'm this bad with a puppy I don't know if I could handle a baby. Which is good for right now.
Other news in my life is rather bland. I found a car that I'm getting. It's a 2003 Honda Element (the only car I've really looked for.) It's exciting we're thinking I'll be able to buy it for around $9000. Which was alot less than I was expecting. It will be nice to have a car with cruise control & a CD player. And, I really want an Element. (Is that horrible, how spoiled I am.)
I'm also just going forward with my church calling & waiting (not-so-patiently) for my missionary to come home. Not only do I just want him but I also am sick of the dating games. I hate dating guys & when they decide they want more than casual dating or friends I have to write them off. I hate hurting people that way. But I also know myself & it's not fair to let them think I'm in a relationship with them. That I love & care for them & then choose another guy. And as of now I will choose him. I will not regret & wonder what could have been because I didn't wait. Yeah, I'm ridonculous. I know. But that's my life. Puppies & patience.

Puppies & Rings

So life is crazy. What else is new? (really, my life would be strange if it wasn't a little bit on the insane side.) I got a new calling in my ward. It will be interesting. I have really NO idea what I'm supposed to do. But it's my fault. I was the one who prayed to be more active in my ward.
Also, I went last week to pick out a puppy. There are four to choose from & I've narrowed it down to 2. So, half. I'm leaning towards the female. I would name her Giselle. But Percy would have the name Percy &, I'm sorry but that's just such a great name. He'd be my little Scarlet Pimpernel. So, I'll just have to see. I'll go see them again this week and then get which ever I choose in the next couple of weeks. I can't believe how excited I am. This dog quite probably will be more spoiled than Taza (& I hadn't believed it was possible)So that's really cool.
Also, my best friend got engaged. That's pretty epic. And insane. She's been unofficially engaged for the last couple of months but now it is official. As in there is a ring involved. Her fiance totally stole my fantasy date idea too. Bugger him. It was cute though. They went up North on a date & he took her to Build A Bear. Then they went to Walmart (which is where they met) & that is where they proposed. I'm such a sucker for romance. It's slightly ridiculous. But that's exciting. They are insane & not planning to get married until April. Which I could never do. But they're great. He makes her happy & that's all I can ask for. For now. :D So, that's my dealings. Engagement rings--NOT for me. And Puppies & Callings. And my life is easy. Whew.

They Seek Him Here

"They seek him here, they seek him there"
Everyday people search for him everywhere."
This weekend I got to go to the play the Scarlet Pimpernel at a semi-professional local theatre. It was great, I spent the time with two of my best friends. It was great to see Heather again, it's only been a few weeks but I miss the girl. And I love spending time with my other self anyday. The play, in and of itself was somewhat of a disappointment. It's confusing to explain my feelings because I did enjoy the play, I was entertained, the acting was phenomenal and the set was astounding. But I'm assuming the director has never read the Scarlet Pimpernel & only seen one of the movies. I'm a HUGE Percy fan. And if annoys me greatly when people mess up the characters. In this case the actor did great for what he was given. But somebody, somewhere did not get the real effect of the Pimpernel. I've never come out of a play at the Hale disappointed but now. And even now I did enjoy. But I was also disappointed.
The weekend was good though. I spent a lot of time with my family and friends and there was a lot of relaxation, Criminal Minds, & Buffy the Vampire Slayer going on. All in all, nothing too disappointing. My life is way too blessed, not that I'm complaining.

Too blessed to be Stressed

So, working a job where I'm near a computer might really help with getting a blog actually posted *gasp* There are even more changes in this upside down world. I think I just sold my car. I'm unsure they're supposed to come tomorrow so we'll see. But if so, Gwen's the only car I've had. She's been so reliable & the family has had her since before I started driving. So it's crazy. I mean I've known I'm selling her. But I never expected things to happen this fast. But life is so good.
I had a customer come in yesterday with a shirt saying: Life is too blessed to be stressed. It's really true. I just forget entirely way too often. But look at all I have.
I'm going to one of my favorite plays tomorrow, with my best friend. I also get to spend time with another best friend, whom I haven't seen for a couple of weeks. I have a marvelous job with benefits, a steady income, & great coworkers. I don't have any real expenses so I am able to save the money that I do get. I will be getting a puppy & I will be getting a new vehicle with cruise control. My family is great & they love me. I am healthy & active. I have a strong testimony & many prayers are answered. And the man that I am in love with comes home in 6 months & does care for me. Life is wonderful. And I forget so often. It's funny when I started typing this I was mildly put out, sad about my life. Now I look & there is absolutely nothing I should be sad about. Life is great, life is good. Without we'd be dead.

Update, again.

So I am pretty much the worst at updating. Hopefully, now that I have no life I'll be able to post things. But that defeats the purpose because then I'll have nothing to post. So life is well, new.
I graduated last May, spent an awesome summer with my best friends in Cedar and then my world turned upside down--for the better though. I got a job in Manti--a good stable, dream-come-true sort of job. It puts me in Manti with my family (almost too close with my family) but it took me away from Heather & Toni & the Crisis team. Although this was difficult I knew this was the right change to me. It's crazy when you have moments in life where you realize the decision you're making right then will change your entire life. It was mind-boggling for me.

I moved back home--which was strange & crazy since I've been out of the house for 2 years. But after some adjustments--mainly in my bedroom & my attitude, I feel things are going alright. That's what I get for having amazing parents.

My job is great. I work with people & I love it. I've been here over a month & they haven't fired me yet, which gives me hope.

The best news of all is I got a letter from Eric. I haven't heard from him for about 18 months & it was so great to hear from him. It was also a relief because I have had so many unanswered questions and a multitude of doubts. The doubts & insecurites are what killed me. Even without trying he let me know that he does care for me. He's doing good & he's still Eric. That's so relieving to know. It helps me alot.

Other news in my life is my preparation for a puppy. I'll hopefully get a puppy at the end of September & it will be wonderful. I haven't decided if I want to get a boy or a girl but I do have names picked out for whichever I do choose.

So basically life is wonderfully, completely in sane & I love it.