Life gets crazy and busy and insane at times. This has been one of those years. But I've found blogging relaxing and helpful in the past so, since I woke up at 5 this morning and could not, for the life of me, go back to sleep here I am, typing away. It's been a year since I've posted almost, and what a year. So I'm just going to review some of the basics. And hopefully even put pictures. Although, 2013 was so busy I know I've missed some of things.
JANUARY
January I started my Practicum through school, which is basically like an internship. I consider myself VERY blessed because I was able to start working with a company that paid as well as offered awesome training and wide opportunities. I began working as a therapist, feeling lost, confused, and experiencing the joys and fears of actually trying to live my dream.
This time was very busy and not a good time for me. As I'm writing this I'm trying to decide and balance how much I should reveal or talk about. But I'm deciding to go with being authentic and real (something I am learning bit by bit is so critical to living life to it's fullest) so during this time, in retrospect, I realize how much I was struggling with depression, role-confusion, balancing, and surviving. I was balancing this practicum (a job in and of itself), my full-time job with the State, being a relatively-new Mom, and housework as well as school course work while my hubby was in school full time and trying to also work out being a stay-at-home Dad (not very well, might I add). I realized I was feeling a lot of resentment and frustration and, consequently, was having a difficult time managing everything. I isolated myself and didn't really tell Papa Hunter my frustrations or expectations. I did not want to admit, even to myself, how difficult everything was. Luckily, my practicum site offered to take me full time to where I only had to work at one place and could cut down my hectic-ness in life. This gave me a lot of opportunity to be more introspective. Again though, not much else can be remembered about January.
FEBRUARY
February marked my last month with DWS and I said farewell to what I considered my first "real-time" legit job. It was super difficult to let go of the part of me that had been building myself as a professional and reputation for knowing my stuff in this field. I also said good-bye to my awesome co-workers who had seen me through being a silly, naive and untried 20 year old, becoming a graduate student, to meeting and marrying my Mr. Right, transitioning to a home, and becoming a mother. I spent 4 years at DWS building many opportunities, dreams, successes and failures. It was difficult, bittersweet, but ultimately for the best to say good-bye and move into being a "full-time" legitimate therapist. TERRIFYING
MARCH-APRIL-MAY
June was a great month! Mostly because my little brother came home from his mission!!! I was so excited to see him home and see the changes in him. The same day he came home was also Papa Hunter and my own 2nd Anniversary. It was so fun. We went up the night before and spent the night then met my family, who were watching Little Man, then went to the airport to pick him up. It was great and fun to see him. We spend the rest of June getting to re-know my little brother and having him get used to Little Man.
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| Waiting. |
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| Finally Home!!! |
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| Finally Meeting |
JULY
July was filled mostly with working. I do know that I was stressed because my job was going slow. I was also worried a lot about school, meeting expectations while dreading everything. This is another moment that, in hindsight, I realize how much depression and inadequacy I was filled with. I did start as a therapist at a group home as well as the outpatient clinic that I was working at and got busier. I also began to recognize some of the signs I was showing and looking into what I needed to do to find help as well as moving myself out of isolation and reconnecting more. Including being more open about what I was going through. Little Man was beginning to stand up, was a rampage crawling everywhere and showed his more mischievous side. He also LOVED water.
AUGUST
August was dedicated to Little Man's 1st Birthday! We had a Monster party that was great. I know I felt so blessed to realize how much love and support we have.
Then we went to Lagoon and had lots of adventure. I hadn't been since the summer I graduated High School. It was so fun to be able to just enjoy and be filled with adventure. And it's slightly sad that that is considered adventure at times.
There was the family reunion we got to go to. My amazing cousin loves to take awesome pictures of Ammon during this time too.
We also found out that we were building our family.
In addition to this, Papa Hunter decided to stay working rather than going to school while he figured out what he was doing. I went through my first experience of all out failing something with school. And then had to rebuild myself from that. It was an amazing experience. I know, no one really cares about this. But it was a huge thing for me, super hard to admit, especially to myself, to rebuild and recognize that I am okay even though I failed. And the opportunity to try again and do better. It was difficult, terrifying, frustrating, disappointing, and wonderful. Because I had to rebuild. And I had to learn to be okay with it. And I grew amazingly from this experience. That was really, most of my August. Learning, rebuilding, and fixing. Also, Little Man began walking, which swiftly turned into running and keeping us busy.
SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER-NOVEMBER
These 3 months were mostly spent dealing with pregnancy sickness, realizing that it is normal to be EXHAUSTED when you are pregnant with another child running around everywhere. My cousin took our family pictures. That was great and amazing. Even though it was hectic.
Including this Little Man with his handsome uncles.
Papa Hunter's sister got married. I didn't get the opportunity to take pictures of that. But it was a great wedding. In addition to this we just kept busy with work, school, including retaking the class I failed and having to redo the huge project in front of EVERYONE. And passing!! And coming to the conclusion that I did not need to pass to be a person of worth and value. Which is pretty amazing. We did celebrate Halloween and Thanksgiving but nothing big or extravagant. I mostly just felt blegh with pregnancy.
DECEMBER
This month I reached the conclusion that I had been balancing and dreading and pondering for 5 months. I talked with Papa Hunter and then gave my official notice to my work that I was going to step down to part time and take less and less work the closer I get to having my baby. This has been a very difficult decision for me because it means that I am depending a lot more on Papa Hunter to provide and take care of us. Also I've been working really hard the last 3 years with school and I will graduate right before I have this baby. I also am having a hard time balancing between the desire to be known as a professional and a "therapist". With this I am also have been having a hard time battling the desire to want to be home and be a Mom. After much prayer and discussion, we realized that it was important to me to work more on being a Mom. This also means that I will need to learn to budget better since we will be more tight with money. It will be an adventure and terrifying. I'm certain that I will continue to have moments where I am wondering what I was thinking. And other times when I feel conflicted and guilty. Because I already do. However, I also feel this is the right decision, however difficult, for our family. The nice thing is I will still continue to work, I will just take on a few clients and reserve most of that to 2 evenings a week. This is especially helpful for me the close we get to Baby #2.
We did find out that Little Man is having a brother!! We are so excited to have another little boy and to be able to watch our boys grow and learn together. Two of Papa Hunter's sisters are also expecting, one is having TWIN girls and another boy, so now there will be a lot of cousins to play with. That was our Christmas gift. Then Christmas was spent watching Little Man experience the joy of Christmas.
2014
2014, for me, has been dedicated on being more authentic and real as I experience and learn and go through this last painstaking semester of school to graduate. I am learning to balance and be a better mother, therapist, wife, and person. Which also means admitting I'm flawed, learning to say no, and letting go of most of the expectations I have that are not helpful. I get to spend more time with Little Man but am still learning, slowly, to balance work with this as well. So far our year has mostly been dedicated to adjustments. And being real. We will have Baby #2 in May 2014 and I am expected to graduate April 2014. Papa Hunter is expecting to start school in Fall. And I will hopefully learn even more about balancing, learning, and being more real as I get this through. I am not making any promises on updating this, however, I am hoping to update this blog more. It's relaxing for me and a way to use more creativity. We'll see. But for now. Here's a year.
There was the family reunion we got to go to. My amazing cousin loves to take awesome pictures of Ammon during this time too.
Papa Hunter's sister got married. I didn't get the opportunity to take pictures of that. But it was a great wedding. In addition to this we just kept busy with work, school, including retaking the class I failed and having to redo the huge project in front of EVERYONE. And passing!! And coming to the conclusion that I did not need to pass to be a person of worth and value. Which is pretty amazing. We did celebrate Halloween and Thanksgiving but nothing big or extravagant. I mostly just felt blegh with pregnancy.
