Life is Wonderful--without it we'd be dead.

Life really is so amazing. I am so grateful for it--even if I am struggling at times. It's just different because last year I had such amazing friends for me all the time and even through all the struggles everything was so easy. And I had so much faith. Now I'm trying to maintain my faith but it seems much more difficult. Really though I am so grateful for life. This last weekend I had a great time seeing my two best friends and old roommates. We went and saw Disney's Princess & the Frog. It was really nice to spend time with them. To hear their lives and to know them. Not to be worried about what they were thinking of me. Or how I should react.
It seems lately that around people here I always am on egg shells of some kind. Even with my friends here at home. (All two that I spend time with) One I'm scared because I know he would like something more than friendship and I don't want to encourage those thoughts. Things have been rough living at home as well. Although they have been a lot better this week. Two weeks ago my Mom and I went to my ex-missionary's sister's babyshower (that's not confusing at all) and it was really hard for me. And I've just been miserable anyway. Well, before the shower Mom and I got in a major arguement. Where she suggested maybe I move out because I've been so miserable at home. We were able to resolve things and I know that she doesn't want it but I've really started thinking that maybe it's the best idea for me.
I've started looking into it but there's only so many places that allow dogs where I don't have to deal with roommates. Ideally I'd like somewhere I could have an apartment to myself but still be around people my age--college students. Realistically it doesn't look like that's going to happen unless I want to surround myself around married students. Which seems counterproductive. But we'll see. I did find a good place but it's not open until May and I'm not really the most patient person. And really, as much as my family will deny it, I'm sure they wouldn't mind me being gone sooner than that. I haven't been very easy to live with.
As much as it sounds like I am complaining I am, surprisingly, quite happy this week. (Seriously, it seems a lot easier than weeks in the past.) I love my job and I have been somewhat busy outside of work. Nothing major but enough that I feel like I have a life. I think though that the biggest change is my perspective. I'm trying to solely put my faith in my Heavenly Father and let things work the way he wants. I realized that I can't let a silly boy be the cause of my loss of perspective. I knew I was doing the right thing and just because things didn't work out the way I was expecting them to doesn't mean they won't work out. It's a concept that I forget all too often.
But I'm grateful for my friends. Their help this weekend--offering the comradery and the silliness--it's so relieving not to have to be adult all the time. I'm sure that they're part of the reason for my semi-contentment right now.