Run ins, Make Ups, Dating, Houses and School

Well, I have been planning to post but everytime I thought about it I either didn't have anything going on or I couldn't think of how to post things. However I have been informed that I need to post details of recent events on my blog. So I have no idea where to begin but begin I will. It all starts out with moving.

I found a small home for rent. They allowed a puppy. And I was--still am--stoked. All of it fell into place marvelously. So I began moving in the first week in April. It was conference weekend so my old roommate came down for a night to help me clean it (see how blessed I am--seriously what friend comes and helps clean!) While she was here we took a walmart run for supplies and dropped my Mum off at a nail apartment at Eric's (my ex-missionary) house with his sister. Normally I came along. But due to the circumstances (him being home and me needing to shop) I figured all would be good. His sister called and asked me to come back and see her though. And plus I needed to see her new baby. I figured that the way she was talking that he wasn't going to be home. So when I got there I just went in.

The first thing I saw was him. But it was too late to turn back and I really wanted us to at least be friends. As cheesy as it sounds I found over the time that I wanted him in my life, in whatever role I could get him. Yeah, I really am a pathetic moron. So I was really surprised that he hugged me and asked me how things were going. It was a little awkward but not in the way I was expecting it to be. In fact running into him was a relief. We talked for a little bit and then he had to leave. As soon as he was gone his Mom stressed to me that they didn't set me up and didn't know whether he'd be there. I was disappointed to find out that he didn't see me at all during his homecoming. Grr...I looked freaking great for that! My hair was curled, my dress awesome, and makeup looked great. When do I see him? When I'm in the process of moving and cleaning. My hair was pulled back into a ponytail and bare minimum on the whole makeup process. Yeah not my worst, I looked alright but I had wanted to look my best.

Later that day he texted me and asked if he could help me move. A little stumped, he was the one who broke my heart, I complied. It ended up being a good thing. My dad was sick, one of my little brothers (the one who can move stuff) ditched me and my friend left. My mom, my other little brother and I were not necessarily strong enough to move it all. And it was good, in a weird kind of way, to see him. I was surprised at how easy it was to be around him. How wasted the last 6 months dedicated to moving on had been. But I was determined. We were going to be friends and nothing more but I would do all that I could to be his friend.

The next week was pretty normal, he and I would text every once in a while but really nothing too big or drastic. He did come to a movie night with my friend and her fiance at my home to celebrate moving in. I was busy moving in and getting things situated and figuring out what more I needed with my home. Eric and I would text but I tried to be cautious. I know my emotions. I still cared for him a lot more than I wanted to. I wanted to be friends but I didn't want to be hurt again.

Last week was kind of insane. A coworker mentioned that he was getting his masters degree and still able to work full time. He told me about the school and suggested I look into it. So I requested information. The next day they called me. The day after I spoke with an admissions counselor and if all goes well this week I could be starting my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy in May. So in like, a month! It feels crazy. I've been debating over a masters but still figured that it would take at least 6 months to get anything really started. This is going speedy gonzalez fast. Which seems to be my whole life right now.

This week has been the kicker, well and last week got everything into motion. I asked Eric to help me move a couch and a bed into my apartment (YAY I have a couch and a bed!) we ended up talking about more serious stuff, still not mentioning anything deep or personal. But it started getting there. He came over Sunday and helped me make cookies. Things had been said that made me wonder about his feelings. And this week he is leaving for Europe for 3 weeks. So we really talked. Basically he still has feelings for me and then he talked about why he sent me the letter and how he felt towards me during his mission. I told him how he'd made me feel. How he'd hurt me. We decided on being friends and just seeing how things go. I figured he wasn't ready for a relationship and I still wasn't sure where I sat with everything else. After he left he texted me saying he had other things to tell me. So we decided to go out Monday.

Monday jumped the gun. We talked even more and in the end he kissed me. He commented after that that he would have to tell his mom he was in a relationship. I told him we weren't unless he wanted it. He wasn't sure what he wanted. Once again, he left with me figuring that we were just friends. Me not sure how I was feeling with things. Yesterday he texted me that he wanted to date me. I needed to think about it and talk to him. We texted a lot with me getting frustrated more and more--I really can be such a wench. I told him he needed to ask me and NOT over text. He could still tell that I was upset and started to try to cheer me up. Then he came over and asked me to date him. I told him no. (seriously, but there was more to it than that) we talked things over. Compromised. And now we're dating.

There's the facts. It seems so cold, so fast and so detached. The feelings there though are beyond description. Part of me thinks this is crazy. I should have made him work harder to get me. And wonders if this is too fast. If really things are rushed and if this is really what he wants? I am so worried and so insecure. And yet through it all, he makes me happy--happier than anybody else ever has. And things feel right. We talk. About everything. I have no problem being honest with him. Telling him that he hurt me. Letting him know if something makes me angry or happy. And really that makes it worth it to me. I've been telling everyone that I have forgiven him. That love is always worth the risk. It would be hypocritical of me to forget that now.

So crazily, happily, I am dating a guy I swore up and down wanted nothing to do with me. A guy who has already broken my heart. And could very well break it again. This is something I've been trying my hardest not to dream about for the past 6 months. That I vowed would not happen because it only happened in romance novels. People who broke up and hurt each other the way we have to each other do not forgive and forget. But they do. The movie "He's Just Not That Into You" seems to be my inspiration lately. I have spent the last 6 months saying that I am the rule. Not the exception. But right now, we are the exception. We are the proof that romance novel scenes, as cheesy and corny as they are, are loved because it's the most amazing experience when it happens to you. Actually, cheesy romance scenes are there because it's what we all wished happened. But because it so seldom does it means I cherish it even more.

And there are so many unknowns. But I really am excited for it. Life really isn't what I'm expecting. It never is. But it's an adventure all the same.