Today Is a Gift…That is Why it is Called the Present

So quick update on life. This weekend was ‘His’ homecoming. And it went. He looks good, he sounds great. And it sort of broke my heart to realize that I haven’t made the progress I was hoping to. It’s hard to realize that he really does not want me involved in his life. That he’s going to date, and grow and change and doesn’t want any of that to involve me. I felt almost like I was taking 3 steps back and I’d only taken 2 steps forward. But I’m very grateful that I went. That I won’t have that as a regret. That’s really been the biggest influence in my life lately.
Also on Saturday I spent the entire day with EMT training. It was actually, rather enjoyable. Crazy though. I enjoyed my group. We will definitely be close by the end of class with all the touching and moving we all do. But really, that’s a good thing. And I’m grateful I don’t have personal space issues.

Today Is a Gift…That is Why it is Called the Present

What is the dominant emotions in your life right now?
Anxiety and confusion. Mixed with gratitude and happiness. I sound so ungrateful when I say that I am so confused in my life right now. However, I really have a lot of insecurities and the return of Eric has not really helped them out. In fact probably made them worse. It’s hard because everyone goes on about how he is so great, and still the same kid, etc. etc. and so forth. And it makes me wonder. What makes me so different? How come he can treat everyone else the same but he can’t even keep contact with me? It’s especially hard since I am still in love with the kid—because I’m a masochist. >.<

Who made you feel good this week?
My boss has. He gave me an amazing compliment and let me know that they’re grateful for me to be working here. Larry, from the Radio did as well, by telling my coworker that I brought a cute personality with me to the job announcement. Even if I disagree with him—there is a reason I never wanted to be a Radio personality—he still made me feel good. Most of the boys from my EMT class. They spent half of Saturday telling that they had not problem with me bandaging them or getting up close and personal. My Mom and My other self because they continue to tell me that I am doing good. Even though they are the ones who see me at my weakest the most.

What was the biggest mistake you made this week?
Letting other people get to me. Being acted upon rather than standing alone. So basically being subject to my hormones and emotions—and consequently taking them out on someone else.

What’s the funniest thing that happened to you this week?
Sad to say, I'm really not so sure. I think it was pretty freaking funny when I was doing Patient Assessments on Zachary and he kept making up things and changing them. But now that I reflect, actually the funniest moment this last week is when my puppy Giselle ran into a chair at top speed. Really it shouldn't have been so funny, but I'm a horrible owner and laughed hysterically, seeing this fuzzy poofball running as fast as she could and not watching where she was going. I was told I did that a lot as a little girl.

What are you looking forward to the most?
Disneyland! My chance to escape with two of my favorite people EVER! And to pretend that all my other worries don’t exist.

What makes you the happiest today?
Probably the fact that I’m going to the temple today. It’s just going to be AWESOME!

What is something you want to accomplish this week?

I want to get my car serviced. And also get my EMT homework complete. Pass my test for EMT. And enjoy myself at Disneyland. I also am hoping to be more charitable and less concerned about what others think or expect of me.