2301 Things in lists of 10

My life has been sort of dull lately. Mostly revolving around my EMT class, my puppy, trying to avoid the thought of D-Day and spending a lot of time with my family. But I still wanted to post things and wanted something interesting (or fun)--at least to me. So I found some lists. Here of the Lists of 10.

10 things that make me happy are...
1. Half-Baked ice cream
2. Helping people
3. The gospel
4. My dog
5. Romantic comedies
6. Silly putty
7. Family & friends
8. Green and purple
9. Silly memories
10. Road trips

10 things that I value about life are...
1. Life
2. Food
3. The gospel
4. My family
5. Love
6. Faith
7. Truth
8. Hard-work
9. The ability to feel
10. Good company

10 things that I believe in are...
1. God
2. The LDS Church
3. True Love
4. World Peace
5. Evil
6. Family
7. Temple Marriage
8. Karma
9. Friendship
10. The value of hard work

11 lessons that I have learned so far in my life are...
1. Not everything ends in happily ever after
2. Hard work pays off.
3. Good decisions make a good life.
4. Love will always be worth the pain you risk—even if the pain is what you end up with.
5. You must risk to get gain.
6. Family and friends help shape us into who you are..
7. Nothing is ever easy nor is it ever free.
8. Bad things happen to good people.
9. God has the answer to everything. Science just asks questions.
10. It’s easier to be rude and angry but you’re more successful it you can always find something good about a person
11. All too often one gets EXACTLY what they ask for but its seldom what we really want

10 things that make me laugh...
1. Disney Movies
2. Lame jokes
3. Dogs chasing their tails
4. Toddlers
5. Polk-a-dots
6. The Far Side
7. Quotes
8. Off the Wall comments
9. Old memories
10. Friends

10 things that make me cry are...
1. Patriotic themes
2. Heartbreak
3. Lost ones memories
4. Touching stories
5. Happy endings
6. Periods
7. Getting angry
8. Being Happy
9. Being Sad
10. Basically any extreme emotion

10 places that I would like to visit are...
1. The Temple
2. Las Vegas Temple
3. Rome
4. Italy
5. East Coast
6. Greece
7. Nauvoo
8. Church History
9. Disney World
10. Egypt

10 Things that Stress me out are...
1. Basically Failure
2. Not having enough to do.
3. Not understanding
4. Panic attacks
5. Deadlines
6. Procrastination
7. Not helping people
8. School work
9. Not getting enough sleep
10. Not taking care of myself

10 people that I would love to meet are...
If only alive people then:
1. President Monson
2. President Uctdorf
3. Paul Ekman
4. Dan Brown
5. my future spouse (freaking get here already!)
6. Diane Ackerman
7. Elder Gerald N. Lund
8. Sister Sherri Dew
9. Doris Day
10. President Holland
If alive or dead:
1. Joseph Smith
2. President Monson
3. Emma Smith
4. Abraham Lincoln
5. George Washington
6. Emily Bronte
7. WWII American Soldier
8. Grandma McArthur
9. Grandma Roberts
10. Killick Roberts

10 things that I would like to carry with me at all times are...
1. Chap stick
2. Chocolate
3. Face mask
4. Makeup kit
5. Book of Mormon
6. Pen & paper
7. Book
8. Identification
9. Camera
10. Lighter

10 expectations that I have of myself are...
1. To get a masters degree
2. To continuously work on bettering myself
3. To be successful in a career that I enjoy
4. To be a wife
5. To be a mother
6. To run a 5K again
7. To bike a 50 miler
8. To compete in a triathalon
9. To continuously be active in the Gospel
10. To constantly learn and gain knowledge

10 things that I do well are...
1. Learn
2. Help others
3. Maintain friendships
4. Dramatize things
5. Cook
6. Write
7. Run
8. Listen actively
9. Talk
10. Give

10 things that I can improve on are...
1. Speaking more articulately
2. Being more kind
3. Being less judgmental
4. Communicating more effectively
5. Maintaining a schedule
6. Budgeting
7. Following Instructions
8. Humility
9. Being more loving
10. Follow through

10 things that I love about my family are...
1. Their love is unconditional
2. They pamper me
3. They let me pretend to be their princess.
4. They give me hugs and let me snuggle.
5. They are unique.
6. They provide wisdom and knowledge.
7. They can always make me laugh.
8. They offer never-ending support.
9. They have given me the gospel
10. They let me care and love them

10 beautiful things outside are...
1. Flowers
2. Birds
3. Animals
4. Waterfalls
5. Trees
6. Mountains
7. Ocean
8. Streams/lakes/ bodies of water
9. Sunsets/rises
10. Sky (clouds specifically)

10 good books that I have read are...
1. Book of Mormon
2. Believing Christ
3. Ishmael
4. The Power of Touch
5. For All Eternity
6. Twilight Series
7. Harry Potter Series
8. Scarlet Pimpernel
9. Hearts in Hiding
10. Mere Christianity

10 of my favorite movie stars are...
1. Doris Day
2. Julie Andrews
3. Andy Griffith
4. Rock Hudson (anyone notice a pattern)
5. Cary Grant
6. Sandra Bullock
7. Vin Diesel
8. Amanda Bynes
9. Channing Tatum
10. David Boreanaz

10 popular music groups/artists are...
1. Most things Broadway (Show Tunes)
2. Disney
3. Nickleback
4. Taylor Swift
5. Brad Paisley
6. Boys Like Girls
7. Daughtry
8. Seriously Evan
9. Katy Perry
10. Stephen Speaks

10 fun things to do are...
1. Write
2. Read
3. Be with those I love
4. Watch movies/T.V.
5. Play with my puppy
6. Read
7. Run
8. Wii Fit
9. Driving Around
10. Sleep

10 great daydreams are...
1. Snuggling
2. Flying around
3. Kissing Strangers
4. Succeeding at a goal
5. Having Superpowers
6. Hugging
7. Romantic Notions
8. Plans going my way
9. Eating yummy things
10. Entering peace

10 special people in my life are...
1. My Mom
2. My Dad
3. Braden
4. Zachary
5. Giselle
6. My other Self
7. Heather
8. Toni
9. My Grandpa
10. SUMCT Crisis Team

10 great movies are...
1. Scarlet Pimpernel (all of them)
2. She’s the Man
3. Pride & Prejudice
4. Blind Side
5. My Life in Ruins
6. Big Fat Greek Wedding
7. Anastasia
8. Emma Smith My Story
9. Almost any Disney Pixar
10. Practically any Disney

Happiness

For the first time in several months, I am genuinely happy. It's so great to find myself again. There are a few thorns--I wish that I had a social life, but I don't go get one.--But really I am busy with work and the EMT course I'm taking. It's so nice to be busy. I flourish under the stress--seriously I found it more stressful when I had every night free to myself. Life is good though. I love being happy. I can definitely tell that my worry and pain is being buffered. I'm very grateful for it. For my Heavenly Father and His help for me to see the good points in my life. The highs rather than the lows. I know that He helps me with that. It really seems like everytime I start to get down and go "oh, woe is me" I start to think how blessed I really am. And I am so grateful for that. It's hard to be depressed and unhappy when you are thinking about all the things that are blessings. It's wonderful.

Count Your Blessings

I am SO grateful for my life. It's so funny I just deleted two long paragraphs on how much I am so confused and so lost and then I got in a conversation and realized I am SO blessed. So here are the things I am grateful for:
1. My parents--they let me live at home, even after all my whining about hating living at home and being miserable. They love me unconditionally, accept my mistakes and help me through my challenges. They seldom chide me or yell and they constantly love and accept me.
2. My friends-- My friends allow me to be dramatic and quirky and listen to my petty problems as well. The guy friends that I have that want more are so good to still be my friend and accept me and my idiocy and selfishness.
3. My SUU Family--Two of my best friends! They listen to me even though they've faced much worse. They love me and seem think I'm amazing when I'm so human and so not. But in addition, they give me a solution to my problem and come with me to Disneyland.
4. My other self--She listens to me constantly, often putting my meagar petty problems in front of her own. She loves me and tries always to take time out of her life for me.
5. Musicals--Life is just better when broadway music is involved.
6. Coworkers--I genuinely enjoy the people you work with. And they are always available to offer wisdom and advice. They seem to care about me and enjoy me. I hope that's not too narcisstic. Maybe they just put up with me because they have to. But I really enjoy them and the advice and the comradery they offer.
7. My job--it's a double edged sword but I enjoy helping and working with people.
8. My dog--she's a pain and still not potty trained. But mostly that's my fault. She offers up unconditional love and affection even if I only get to see her for 20 minutes as I'm getting ready for bed. Or if I've not given her any attention. I honestly can say its hard to imagine life without her.
9. The gospel--I love the gospel. I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to be a part in it and how much it blesses my life. Seriously I'm very grateful for my Heavenly Father and Savior. And the love and assistance they offer me.

Landlords--Old & New

The last post was written on the 4 of January--I think the power must of went out while I was trying to post it.
Life has been going. And really it's been good. I am very blessed to have any amazing family and friends as a great support system. I need it, especially these upcoming weeks. I have to face my fears the end of February and I'm just very grateful that I have a support system in place. I know, as try as I am not to, that he's going to break my heart again. I'm trying to set myself up for it as protection but I'm weak. However, I know that I'm going to be okay, in the end at least.
I have had to deal with landlords this week. My last landlord before I moved home still has not given me my deposit. Which is a little ridiculous seeing that it's been 6 months since I moved out. Well past the legal time. I should have pressed actions quicker. But I did call back in Oct, Nov, and Dec each call informing me that they've mailed it. Joyous.
On a good note I've found a small 1 bedroom apartment so I'll be moving. Which is good. I'm excited to be out from under my parents wings. I love them but it's been difficult living with them after being away for so long. The part I've struggled most with is that I haven't felt like I'm an adult. More like a child. And like I had to prove myself as an adult. Not because my parents treated me like a child. It's more along the lines of my own inadequacies. Now I have a small but quaint spot to call my own. It will be nice. :D I'm very grateful for it. So theres the news in my life. A fear of reruns from the past--and my lovely EMT course. My amazing group of family and friends. And my puppy and I facing the adventures of being by ourselves. It's joyous--really it is. :D

Belated Holiday Wishes and New Beginnings

Happy Holidays. Even if it is a little belated. As I think of it I really have nothing to say. I adore Christmas--I just love the Christmas season. The idea of giving and service. I really tried--although I didn't succeed fully--to focus more on the giving part of Christmas. New Years, however, was actually the better part of the holidays. I had had to work Christmas eve and it was more rushed. I didn't feel the Christmas season--the songs and the splendor as much as I normally do. I also felt reminded of my singularity. Visiting my ex-missionary's family probably didn't help that aspect so much. However my New Years was surrounded by my close friends and family and was wonderful. Now I'm back in the swing of things working full time. I'm taking an EMT course which also will take up a lot of my time. Ironic isn't it? Me becoming an EMT. 6 months ago I couldn't even be near an ambulance or hear sirens. I am pretty nervous over that. But I feel pretty good about it and will enjoy the experience I'm sure.

Other than that my life is relatively nondescript. I have been nervous for February I don't really want to face my ex-missionary but I know I'll put on a good face. It will just still break my heart but he won't know.

I'm very blessed though. I have wonderful friends--several of which have offered to be here for me. And an amazing family that support me in my patheticness.

Life is Wonderful--without it we'd be dead.

Life really is so amazing. I am so grateful for it--even if I am struggling at times. It's just different because last year I had such amazing friends for me all the time and even through all the struggles everything was so easy. And I had so much faith. Now I'm trying to maintain my faith but it seems much more difficult. Really though I am so grateful for life. This last weekend I had a great time seeing my two best friends and old roommates. We went and saw Disney's Princess & the Frog. It was really nice to spend time with them. To hear their lives and to know them. Not to be worried about what they were thinking of me. Or how I should react.
It seems lately that around people here I always am on egg shells of some kind. Even with my friends here at home. (All two that I spend time with) One I'm scared because I know he would like something more than friendship and I don't want to encourage those thoughts. Things have been rough living at home as well. Although they have been a lot better this week. Two weeks ago my Mom and I went to my ex-missionary's sister's babyshower (that's not confusing at all) and it was really hard for me. And I've just been miserable anyway. Well, before the shower Mom and I got in a major arguement. Where she suggested maybe I move out because I've been so miserable at home. We were able to resolve things and I know that she doesn't want it but I've really started thinking that maybe it's the best idea for me.
I've started looking into it but there's only so many places that allow dogs where I don't have to deal with roommates. Ideally I'd like somewhere I could have an apartment to myself but still be around people my age--college students. Realistically it doesn't look like that's going to happen unless I want to surround myself around married students. Which seems counterproductive. But we'll see. I did find a good place but it's not open until May and I'm not really the most patient person. And really, as much as my family will deny it, I'm sure they wouldn't mind me being gone sooner than that. I haven't been very easy to live with.
As much as it sounds like I am complaining I am, surprisingly, quite happy this week. (Seriously, it seems a lot easier than weeks in the past.) I love my job and I have been somewhat busy outside of work. Nothing major but enough that I feel like I have a life. I think though that the biggest change is my perspective. I'm trying to solely put my faith in my Heavenly Father and let things work the way he wants. I realized that I can't let a silly boy be the cause of my loss of perspective. I knew I was doing the right thing and just because things didn't work out the way I was expecting them to doesn't mean they won't work out. It's a concept that I forget all too often.
But I'm grateful for my friends. Their help this weekend--offering the comradery and the silliness--it's so relieving not to have to be adult all the time. I'm sure that they're part of the reason for my semi-contentment right now.

The Pack

I looked in horror, thinking something amiss
I was expected to carry this?
The pack was burdened, not a welcoming sight
Something was wrong, it couldn't be right
Still expectant eyes held it out to me
Telling me to climb a mountain
Which top I couldn't see
Then they placed on my back, this unforgiving pack
Then sent me on this difficult path
Wondering how I was to act
Looking forward I set my sights
Hoping one could relieve this plight
I started, I stumbled, and fell on my way
Struggled to life myself from where I lay
I saw others with packs like mine
Some large, some small, others just the same
I was amazed at how some went on just fine
While some whose packs, like mine, seemed to maim
I heard the encouragement others would speak
At my stumbling step and spirit so weak
Others grumbled at the packs they carried
While more just sat and simply tarried
Not matter the words I heard others give
I still struggled, fell, and had no more to give
I dropped to my knees
I could no longer go on
My pack was to heavy
For me to continue along
I felt the blisters, the sweat and the tears
And knew above all failure was my fear
I bowed my sinful head
Let out a mournful sigh
How could I let this trial take me by surprise?
Then feeling defeat I began to cry
I prayed to the Father I knew was up there
The one I knew loved me and truly did care
I tried to explain that I was too weak
The circumstances looked dire and entirely bleak
Without some help I couldn't go on
My natural self weak and my burdens too strong
I felt a shadow fall over my head
And I knew somehow he'd heard what I said
Someone had come to stop my cries of defeat
So I looked up to view a pair of worn feet
Saw the prints on dusted soles
Knew he was the one who redeemed my soul
As my gaze moved up to his outstretched hand
Scarred at the palm, I knew this man
I recognized the kindness in his eyes
Knew he alone could help me rise
I watched in awe as he took my pack
Lifted me and checked that I was intact
With gentleness he encouraged me on
Carrying my pack all along
Without difficulty we reached the top
Only then did he pause to stop
Only then did he drop my burden
I looked at him with eyes uncertain
He took me in his loving embrace
He overwhelmed me with the joy on my face
Before showing me the awaiting Father
Who looked and cried "Oh, my daughter."
He said "My child, welcome home
It's been to long that you've been alone
You called on Me to make you strong
Child, We could have been with you all along.
Yet at least you called before you quit
And we're just happy that you made it."
I looked and realized the joy He truly felt
Astonished at that way their love enveloped
They led me to glory unveiled
Undeserving, for without Him I would have failed
Only the Savior could carry my trails
He could show me that the journey was worthwhile
He was the one to raise me when I was weak
And only with Him could I reach the peak

This is something I wrote awhile ago but was newly found. It's not really very good but truly so amazing. Because of the emotions and the reminders it sets for me.